Shock

As any readers I have know, I was looking forward to just getting Christmas over with and eventually going on a 12 day tour of Egypt. Christmas isn't special for me unless I'm home. My step-mom had asked me to come home for Christmas but, Christmas is the worst time to ask for time off at the Post Office. Mail volume is heavy and everyone is working extra hard. I had to tell her no. I'd bought her a china plate from Chateau Chenonceau and various other goodies. I was eventually going to get around to mailing it to her. I knew she was fighting her third battle with breast cancer. The last time I spoke with her, she was upbeat that she was going to beat it though she sounded really tired. I was concerned enough to ask my Dad (whom she divorced) how she was doing. He told me she also had liver cancer. Oh shit! He was skeptical about the treatments she was taking. Also, this time, the doctors found cancer buds throughout her body. They apparently didn't get all the cancer wiped out after her second bout with it. Crap! Still, she had said she was recovering and according to her, all was well. She was wrong.

Yesterday was a normal Sunday. I'd procrastinated about doing my French homework so I was busy trying to get that knocked out before I drove down to D.C. to do my French lesson. I get a phone call from my sister. My step-mom took a massive dive for the worst and was rushed to the hospital. Her liver was failing and her other organs were shutting down. Basically, her body was throwing in the towel. The doctors said it would be either a matter of hours or days. I was shocked. Shit! Damn! This sucks! Of course, there wasn't anything I could do about the situation. I live at least six or seven hundred miles away. I didn't want to fly home at once and then stay there for days when I was desperately needed at work. I asked my sister to call me when there was more definitive news on my step-mom's condition. Then, I called my boss's cell phone. She didn't answer so I left a message giving her a heads up that I was likely going to have to go home on very short notice. I would have to go.

I had to work hard to regain focus on my French homework. I kept thinking of my memories of my step-mother. All the stupid fights we had and some of the good times we had too. I remembered the Lord of the Rings film exhibition the 2 of us went to. We got to ride in a stretch limo to the hotel. We walked over to the exhibition hall and looked in wonder at all the cool stuff they had at the exhibition. Afterwards, we had lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe. I was determined to get their t-shirt so I could add it to my collection. We shared a room and, she played mom again when she reminded me to pick up my clothes. I grumbled and told her we were going to get separate rooms next time. She mentioned that she'd like to do the Egypt tour that I'll be going on money permitting. I thought that would be cool as long as we had separate cabins (grin).

I managed to regain my focus and, I had another great French lesson with my teacher. I learned some interesting French idioms (like our idioms like you can't have your cake and eat it too). It seems the French like to use the word "coup" (which means kick or hit) a lot. While driving back through D.C., my Dad calls. There isn't any way I can answer it. D.C. is terrible to drive through. Plus, I'm paranoid about missing a stoplight after the $75 fine I got for missing my first (and hopefully last) one. The stretch I was driving on had something like 25 stoplights. I figured I'd call him as soon as I got back to my apartment which I knew wouldn't be long.

I got back and promptly called my Dad. He confirmed the news. I asked him what I should do. Should I come home immediately? There wasn't anything I could do to help. I was willing to fly back at once but, I didn't want to hanging around for days in the dumps waiting for the unmentionable. Shit! Damn! This sucks! My Dad said to wait for my sister to tell me what to do. All right, I'll go with that.

I quickly grabbed something to eat for dinner. I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I decided to walk over to my best friends the Baldons and tell them the news. They're always willing to lend a shoulder to lean on. I made it down to the 2nd floor of my apartment building when my sister called. She said she was gone. I swallowed, sucked in a breath of air and said "dead?" She said "Yes." Grief washed over me. I'd known her for over 35 years. She had played a big part in my life. No one that super close to me has died before. SHIT! Some Christmas this is going to be. I have to fly home and bury my step-mom. God damn it! I knew my brother who had enough hard knocks already was going to be stunned. My poor brother. Christmas is the highlight of his year and, it was now totally fucked.

I continued walking over to the Baldons and told them the news. They were awesome. After speaking with them for about an hour, I returned to my apartment and called my boss again. Again, I got her voicemail. I left an update. I spoke with my friend Harvey too who expressed his condolences also. Memories of my step-mom continued to flash by. It's hard to believe I won't see her any more. I never got to give her the souvenir plate I bought her at Chenonceau. I thought there was plenty of time. God! Grief which God had thankfully shown me little of washes over me. Damn. God may pick the perfect time for someone we love to die but, that doesn't ease the pain of their leaving much. I'm going to really hate it when I have to fly home and see the body. There will be someone who I loved and she's gone forever. Shit. Tears well up in my eyes. Suck it up buddy. Carry on airman. Figure out what you're going to do. So, I'm left with my grief and waiting for word from my sister. Once I receive word from her, I'll make my reservations for home and quickly pack a suitcase. This Christmas is going to royally suck. I hope you who read this have a far better one. Cheers all!